Sunday, April 05, 2020

Toilet paper mystery solved

I finally figured out the toilet paper crisis. Apparently millions of Americans are secretly huge consumers of toilet paper. They use several rolls a week or more. It is so much that they are embarrassed to buy so much at the grocery store.

So they either shop at Costco, and buy 30-roll packages, or they steal toilet from the facilities at work. This has been one of the secrets to Costco's success, as toilet paper is their biggest selling item.

Once people saw the possibility of lockdown orders, their first thought was that they would no longer be able to steal toilet paper from work. They had to buy their own. So in a panic, they all rushed out to stock up with enough to supply their needs. Soon the grocery stores were sold out, and everyone else was in a toilet paper panic also.

The only way to solve this is to revise our unemployment insurance program. Those who were laid off can get cash benefits, but there are also many millions who are still getting paychecks, but not toilet paper. They desperately need toilet paper. No one will admit to this problem. We need the government to step up, and just deliver industrial toilet paper to everyone's home. This should be easy, because the shut-down businesses are not using any toilet paper, and would gladly release their excess supplies. There is plenty of toilet paper to meet the demand, but it is not being distributed well.

Update: The Freudians at the NY Times have another theory:
Which brings us back to the panic buying of toilet paper. Psychologists say it’s more than a little Freudian, what with the anal personality being tied to a need for order, hoarding and fear of contamination. “The characteristics align with obsessive compulsive tendencies, which get triggered when people feel threatened,” said Nick Haslam, a professor of psychology at the University of Melbourne in Australia and the author of “Psychology in the Bathroom.”
They say that toilet paper was only invented in 1891, and we don't really need it. This is a good illustration of the sort of backward thinking out of that paper.

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