Sunday, June 16, 2019

Blaming Men on Fathers Day

There are lots of sites blaming men for all sorts of imaginary grievances. Here are a couple I just discovered.

Fathers Day seems to be mainly an occasion for blaming fathers for all society's ills.

Men are often blamed for wanting to much sexual relations from a wife, and this site says men are abusive for wanting too little:
Withholding Intimacy Can Be Abusive, Too ...

In many relationships, it’s often the man who asks for sex more often than the woman. But sometimes, roles are reversed. Weston freely admits she has “either a higher libido than most women or am more sexually liberated,” and it was something her abuser discovered he could use against her. ...

She says her abuser used the following tactics to assert his power over her: ...

3. Carrot tactic. “He also used to tempt me and taunt me with the expectation of sex to get me to be nice to him when I shouldn't have, or to lessen my the response to some other abuse he just inflicted. He used sex to reel me back in, time after time, when we’d break up.”
So the wife will decide that she should not be nice to her husband, but he engages in "abuse" by seducing her and reeling her back into being nice!

Some men speak precisely. They say what they mean and mean what they say. This site considers that a disorder:
Many men with AS are unaware they have the disorder, and in that case it’s far easier to spot. With that said, here are the signs:

Their speech is pedantic, meaning that it is filled with obscure, minute facts and details; is overly concerned with formalisms; displays a narrow concern for book learning and formal rules; and is overly concerned with the precise meanings of words.

They have difficulties with pragmatic, or social, language. This includes saying inappropriate things, not taking turns in conversations, speaking in a way that is not appropriate for an informal social setting, or speaking in the same manner to a two-year-old and an adult.

They may speak too fast, have a monotone or robotic voice, or speak too loudly.

They have difficulty with semantics, such as understanding the meaning of words within different contexts. They may not understand that you “love” pizza in a different way than you “love” your mother.

Their speech is marked by the use of “technical” or “scientific” words, or even a “high-brow vocabulary.” ...

They are always right. ALWAYS. They will frequently say that you are being irrational or illogical.
So the husband uses words according to their dictionary definitions. The wife is unhappy that he is not as dumb and sloppy as she is.

This site discusses crazy wives who get psychotherapy for their craziness, and still blames the husband:
Mental health professionals often exacerbate the party’s troubles by falling into the pattern of blaming the acutely distressed neuro-typical partner for being an alarmist, for having inappropriate anxiety which feeds into problems and for having unrealistic parenting expectations of the other parent. The more the non-neurologically impaired parent is blamed for the pseudo-conflict the worse it becomes. ... the neuro-typical partner has anxiety and is usually the party who winds up being investigated as being the source of the conflict.(8) This is more than ironic. It places children at risk and it places the neuro-typical parent at-risk of depression or despair.
So the wife is acutely distressed, has anxiety and unrealistic expectations, and is at-risk of depression or despair. But somehow she is called the "non-neurologically impaired parent", as if being a man is a neurological impairment. And these are situations where a mental health professional thinks the wife is the impaired one.

These sites often have wives complaining that they have trouble communicating their feelings. So they see a psychotherapist who gives them lessons in articulating their feelings. But that is not what she wants. She wants her husband to intuit her feelings from her body language.

Lisa Feldman Barrett writes that reading emotions from body language is impossible:
And yet ... despite the distinguished intellectual pedigree of the classical view of emotion, and despite its immense influence in our culture and society, there is abundant scientific evidence that this view cannot possibly be true. Even after a century of effort, scientific research has not revealed a consistent, physical fingerprint for even a single emotion. When scientists attach electrodes to a person’s face and measure how facial muscles actually move during the experience of an emotion, they find tremendous variety, not uniformity. They find the same variety — the same absence of fingerprints — when they study the body and the brain.
It is pretty crazy for a wife to blame her husband for not reading her emotions from body language, when expert psychologists cannot even do it.

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