Dissecting the Phrase: That's Gay

Here is what a California public middle school sent out to parents:

Words to Carry as a Parent

Responding When a Student Says “That’s Gay”

The goal is to interrupt immediately, respond without shaming, and create an opportunity for learning while holding the student accountable. We can be firm about our values while recognizing that students are still learning and can do better.

A modeled response:

Pause. "I heard what you said, and I want you to take a moment to think about it. What was going through your brain when you chose to use that word?

When you use the word gay as a put-down, you are taking someone’s identity and using it to mean something negative. Being gay is not a negative thing. It’s an identity, not an insult.

I’m not here to shame you, but I am going to hold you accountable for the impact of your words. That language is hurtful, wrong, and inaccurate, and it does not uphold our family values.

We will not use people’s identities as put-downs. We all make mistakes, and we all have the opportunity to learn, reflect, and do better. Take responsibility for what you said, think about how it impacts others, and consider what you can do differently next time."

Note the implicit assumptions. That gay means homosexuality, that gay is an insult, that gay is an identity, and that a small child using a common expression is transmitting all those meanings. And that kids should not be shamed for hurtful language, and that kids must use the word gay properly in order to uphold our family values.

The whole thing is bizarre.