Wednesday, May 04, 2011

The bored wife in her 40s

Today's Dear Annie advice column has yet another self-pitying whining letter from an age 40s woman bored with married life and lacking sexual intimacy. The advice is to find a "more understanding counselor", and to refer to the advice given to the last such letter:
You need to ask yourself that Ann Landers question: “Are you better off with or without him?” And only you can supply the answer.
My point is not to agree or disagree with this advice. I am just remarking that this is the dominant secular advice in our society today. Get a therapist who will validate your dissatisfactions, ignore your marriage vows, prepare to dump your family, and do whatever is in your personal self-interest.

Not everyone agrees with this advice. An online comment today from a Lily O. says:
I'm sorry for what you are going through, and I hope you take my words with all the Christian love intended.

I suspect the reason no one is responding to your cry of "rape" is because you were not, in fact, raped. I do not accuse you of being dishonest, only of being confused. Society has taught you that the definition of rape is broad, when it is not.

By your own words, you married a decent man, so I doubt he used physical violence against you. In fact, he merely reminded you of your marital duties. I understand that you may feel violated, as the Lord's Word on marital relations and the dynamic between a husband and wife has been lost in recent generations, but I suspect the help you seek is not on a therapists couch, but in a pastor's office. A loving, spiritually sound pastor will help you see that you have violated God's instructions to wives in this matter. Again, I am not blaming you. This is a confusing time we live in, and men and women's marital and sexual roles have been greatly confused.

Forget about calling your husband a rapist, and instead, work on making him once again the spiritual head of your household, and you will find peace within your marriage again. I wish you both luck.
This drew some enraged comments from other women:
Your comment of ‘marital duty' makes my blood boil. ... And I would not blame her for leaving him.
Marriage is defined by the dominant cultural norms, not me. I am just reporting some sharply differing opinions.

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